Finding Love outside Marriage…

Marriage is two hearts that beat as one and two souls that crave to be together… all very poetic and pleasing to the ear!   After the Honeymoon period and a few years of marriage,  the husband begins to stop pretending that his wife is Helen of Troy and begins looking around, albeit discreetly.  The wife is likewise occupied, emptying her spouse’s pocket to line her cupboard, buying expensive clothes, perfumes, accessories; in short, everything to stay attractive and ahead in the race. Extramarital affairs are as old as marriage itself is. The reasons why a man may have an affair or cheat and the reasons why a woman would have an affair and/or cheat her spouse are very different.

Since time immemorial, we have heard of and witnessed:

  • men going astray,
  • men not staying true to the one they love,
  • men falling for another woman, or
  • men leaving one woman for another.

What makes Men  stray, and cheat?  Is it temptation for the unknown, is it a need for adventure, or is it just that we fall out of love with one person and seek another?  There is no black and white answer to this.   I wish there were one reason, but technology also came in and made it a lot easier to get entangled today.

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One would immediately think sex is the biggest reason for men to cheat, but it turns out that it is not.  However, Issues in a relationship, like non-communication, emotional disconnect, boredom, compatibility issues, turn out to be the bigger reasons.

Marital bliss no more : Men tend to be more emotional than many of us give them credit. Non-communication, or rude behaviour could hurt their feelings as much as a woman’s. Sometimes men go in search of emotional solace in another woman who readily gives them the respect, dignity and tenderness they find no more in their primary relationship.

Fantasies:  To a certain extent, fantasies, fetishes, or plain attraction for another woman could be a reason. While many men are one-woman men, there are also men who are not satisfied with the same woman for a lifetime. Or it could just be the need to have more than one partner and curiosity about the other.

Old flames:  When our past comes back – Old girlfriends through social media and new apps, technology aiding men to hide and have easier flings are also a cause for affairs. Dissatisfaction with the present and a desire to revisit the past just to check, could lead to an affair.

Falling out of love:  Sometimes he simply doesn’t love her anymore. Love is elusive for most people; But for some – They never find love with one person, so they keep looking and seeking newer relationships till they find out that the problem lies with them.

Roving eye:  Some men simply can’t keep from looking at other women. While checking out is a done thing, pursuing, chasing, and conquering are a high for many such men. They are never satisfied with one partner and an affair is a compulsion.

Office affair :  This is common in modern times; usually is from an emotional fallout at home. Such relationships may begin as friendships and lead to something on business trips, with the comfort of being away from home.

No, it’s not at all connected to how you look, it’s the way how you make him feel. And sometimes, it may not be about you at all.  It may just be mid-life and existential crisis the man is going through as an individual.

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Going astray for a woman is much bigger a deal than a man cheating on his wife. A woman is very invested in her relationships. Due to changing times, women have done extremely well for themselves on the economic front, yet she still remains rooted in her belief system and values. So to have flings is one thing, but being in a marriage and seeking pleasure or companionship outside is not something a woman just does for fun. It is  really serious, that she is seeking solace in another person.

Why another man?    Women as creatures are intuitive. When things don’t work out, she knows its coming well in advance. Here are some reasons she could step out:

Technology :    A feeling of being neglected, not cherished and cared for may lead a woman to another man or even a woman.

Can’t forget her past :   Even though she is someone’s wife, she has feelings for her past lover. Though that affair didn’t lead to marriage, she kind of starts leaning backward again, if she gets disillusioned with her marriage. Sometimes women may still be in love with someone else.

Boredom of the drill  :  Wake up, clean potties, cook breakfast, get the home cleaned, get to work, shop for groceries, come back, cook dinner, and then crash. How many women get trapped in the usual day-to-day routine and get bored to death? An interesting new fresher walks in with the possibility of friendship, and an affair follows.

Neglect her and lose her:   Men forget to invest in a wife, it’s usually while she is the girlfriend that it’s all about her.  Once the battle is won, she may start feeling neglected and not cared for enough. Good enough reason to go looking out?

To be seen:   It’s easy for men these days to overlook what they have, with so much distraction everywhere, from magazines to the Internet, to real-life attractions. A woman craves to be seen by her loved one, and she may go where she feels seen.  Men, need to pay attention, now!

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We cannot predict the outcomes for the choices we make in our Life.  And the hardest thing to know is that in life you don’t have a “Ctrl+Z”  to undo, redo what is once done. You may go on to do something again, maybe better, maybe worse, but once it’s done, it stays done and it cannot be reversed…. So Choose Wisely !!!!

Always remember The 3 C s of Life:  Choices, Chances, Changes – You must make a choice to take a chance to change your life

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Core values that can make your marriage work:

  • Being honest with each other
  • Respecting each other’s views
  • Giving each other space within the relationship without being possessive
  • Trusting each other
  • Doing things together – like going on a vacation, spending a night out of home, communicating feelings

What is ironic is that one has to travel the same path of flowers, chocolates, gifts, candle-light dinners and romance to become lucky again !

The Tell Tale Signs:  Women have very strong instincts about their husbands. A straying hubby tries to hide it by turning extra loving towards his wife. A wife found her husband bringing her roses, acting very romantic all of a sudden, out of suspicion she started to probe on him and discovered him with his boss’ daughter, who was much younger than him! She walked out of the marriage, unable to stand the idea of being competed by a younger woman.  Another sign is when he suddenly begins to take special care of his appearance, wearing sexy clothes, spraying on that extra bit of aftershave, striving to lose weight or dyeing his hair. He turns secretive about his whereabouts, switches his mobile off, starts working overtime, and yet, is not in the office when his wife calls! Thus, there are examples galore of people seeking excitement outside marriage.

However, most times, the blame must point within… the excitement and love have gradually died down over the years, and no attempts have been made to revive it.  We must begin to identify the threats to one’s marriage and try to sort it out amicably before it gets out of control.  There are certain values that must not be forgotten, that actually enhance the sacred bond of matrimony.

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Spanish Teacher

Dedicated to all the smart women …and all the men who have a good sense of humour!

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A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

“House” for instance, is feminine: “la casa.”

“Pencil,” however, is masculine: “el lapiz.”

A student asked, “What gender is ‘computer’?”

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (“la computadora”), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;😂😂

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;😜😜

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval;
😂😂😂
and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.
😜😜😜
(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (“el computador”), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on😝

2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;😄

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem;😜

and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
😜😜😜😝😝😝😝😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

The women won😜

 

Message written by a Woman….heart touching

A heart touching message….. by a woman…  Dedicated to all women😘😊

Someone asked her……. Are you a working woman or a house- wife ??

She replied : “ Yes I am a full time working house-wife.”

I work 24 hours a day…..
I am a “mummy”,
I am a wife,
I am a daughter,
I am a daughter-in-law…..
I am an Alarm clock,
I am a Cook,
I am a Maid,
I am a Teacher,
I am a waiter,
I am a nanny,
I am a nurse,
I am a handyman,
I am a Security officer,
I am a Counsellor,
I am a comforter,

I don’t get holidays,
I don’t get sick leave,
I don’t get day off……
I work through day and night…..

I am on call…… all hours and get paid with a sentence….. “what do you do all day”

 

 Woman has the most unique character like salt;  Her presence is never remembered but Her absence makes all the things tasteless !! 

Pass it to all the lovely ladies…..your Mother. …..your Wife……your daughter …your sister…..your friend😊 .

 

Debate: Celebrating Women’s Day – For and Against ??

On 8th March – International Women’s day ;we had a debate in our office;

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Celebrating Women’s Day –

For and Against ?

YES:

To remind people For me, a women’s day is important. That provides people, specially men, that the issue about the différences between women and men still an actual problem. On this day women and men have to act together to can resolve it.  Instead of words and gifts that men give to women on this day, they must to act. That would be the best gift instead of flowers.

Still woman today don’y have the right to go to school and every woman’s day woman can stand proud and happy. If you support woman’s day you will be supporting your mother and siblings and your woman friends cause without woman none of us would really be alive, so we should thank woman as a whole, this is also a sign that you support equality. I personally think that we should all support Woman’s Day!!!

I don’t understand what the big deal is A lot of people are arguing that “there isn’t a men’s day” well, There is. I agree that the international men’s day should be celebrated more, But that isn’t international women’s day’s fault. All in all, Society has done a 360. Long ago, Women we’re looked down upon. Then for quite a few decades, We were equal. Now it’s gone back to the way things used to be- and it’s all because of the femminazis. But I digress. The day isn’t hurting anyone, I don’t understand what the big deal is,

Absolutely, because all the women in the past fought for better rights and that should be celebrated. Even though women aren’t treated like dogs now we are still underpaid and undervalued in many job positions. Men are still getting more job placements than women and are underappreciated in so many sports. My cousin who is a professional surfer who one the same comp as her brother got paid half as much just because she is female.The government have recently made physics more ‘female friendly’ aka easier, for the ATAR when there are literally no studies for men being better at physics than women. I believe that we should keep fighting for womens’ rights because it will be a long time until they are met.

After all , why not ?

We have a grandmother’s day , a grandfather’s day , a men’s day , why shouldn’t we have a women’s day ? To have a precise day to celebrate something special is a pretty good think in my opjnion , it’s an occasion to remember how womens have changed the world and how much they are important.

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NO:

Women need equality not a day Men are unique intelligent beings , able in maintaining supremecy over everything, including woman. By celebrating a day and getting to suppress women whole year seems a fair deal to men. Women need to fight men but before that they have to win their own kind. Women are the worst enemies of women.

This creates even more division Celebrating this day further divides us. Personally, I find the whole thing rather patronizing to celebrate this day simply because I do not have a certain appendage. Yes women have come a long way – NO I do not need a condescending pat on the head to remind me.

Why should there be a day celebrating people who don’t deserve it? Don’t get me wrong. I believe women and men should have equal rights. I know that wasn’t the case before but it is now. My friend said women’s day exists because women struggled in the past and men were unfair. Not all men are like that now and ya women struggled in the past before so let’s celebrate those women who stood up for their rights and think about those who actually struggled. You might be a woman but what did you do to get a day where people celebrate you?

It is no sense nowadays This holiday has lost its political meaning. Today it’s just about praising all women in society simply because they are women. It’s also a good way for husbands to gaining some benefit after the gifts and compliments… Also, men really don’t care if they are celebrated or not, so women should not be spoiled as well.

Isn’t it saying that women are not equal? Let’s be clear on my idea, I am proud of all the work that our olders have done. And I still do think that in many countries, we are not equal.

I am sure that this day, the International Women Day’s, shows that we are not equal. Indeed, if we were equal, if it was obvious that women and men are the same well, international Women’s Day wouldn’t exist. It is simply as that.

Celebrating woman’s day is like saying all other days are men’s When do you celebrate a day ?.. When there is something special… When there is something out of ordinary… I wonder what makes woman out of ordinary… By celebrating a special day, aren’t we alienating her saying that, ‘ You have a day for you.. Rest are men’s days’…

This isn’t right.. Some days back , I saw a play,’Hairspray’, where a a specific day called ,’Negro day’ where Black people are allowed to dance and the protagonist tries to break it and make everyday as Negro day. I can see a striking resemblance to that when we celebrate woman’s day

Do drop in your comments / views for a healthy debate on this social question..

 

Debate: Will reservation in higher education create more employment opportunities for women ?

On 8th March – International Women’s day ;we had a debate in our office;

Will reservation in higher education create more employment opportunities for women ?

Reservation for women has not lost its relevance because there exists a gender gap even now. But steps must be taken to avoid its misuse, by linking it to the social status of the family.

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My answer is a resounding NO.

There are two broad aspects to it, one purely philosophical and one which emerges from statistical evidence. The philosophical take sees reservation as opposed to the fundamental idea of equality. Women are not a minority in India, and giving them reservation would be categorising them as someone needing protection. A major reason why we have so few women leaders is the lack of confidence they have in themselves. They see themselves as inferior, and thus become the agent of propagating the patriarchy, the ill effects of which we set out to address through reservation in the first place.

The second reason is that reservation is not needed. Female child shows much better enrolment and pass ratios across primary, secondary and high schools throughout the country. The unfortunate aspect is the high drop-out ratio. This drop out is due to a mindset problem and not because the girls are incapable of getting admission without reservations. What is needed is a change in attitude, structural changes in terms of reservation hold little promise for Indian society.

  • Reservation for one gender is against gender equality.
  • Giving reservation to women means again pointing out that they are less capable and cannot compete with the other gender.
  • There are many women in the corporate sector, in politics as well as in other fields where they achieved success without any reservation.
  • There are chances of misuse of the reservation by women candidates in education and job sector.

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But then I had to Argue for “YES”:

There exists a gender gap in literacy levels even now, especially in rural areas. Reservation for women will encourage girl education.

It is rightly said that “The empowerment of women has to be social, economic and political“.

It is believed that reservation for women plays an important role in bringing the women of the country forward as they play an insignificant role in general affairs. This should not be the criteria because if women empowerment is the sole issue then more focus should be driven towards providing basic education to women and giving them a life of dignity through education. The point to be stated here is that women in no way are unequal in comparison to men and giving them reservation is just to encourage them and to drive them towards a better life. This does not imply that reservation is given to women to treat them superior but it is just to treat them as equals. However, the criterion for giving reservations needs to be specified very carefully because the ultimate aim is to bring in positive developments in the society and it can only be achieved when each one of us exercises our privileges judiciously.

The question of reservation for women in education is surrounded by a plethora of arguments and counter-arguments.

A glance at the wide gender gap in education would make anyone argue for reservation. However, it may lead to many unforeseen consequences; the most important being the inferiority complex it fosters in the minds of girls. It is a kind of positive discrimination which gives out a wrong message that quota route is the only way by which a girl can excel academically. There are also chances that reservation may become a tool in the hands of unscrupulous politicians. Moreover, the quota system takes away focus from the real issue, which is the festering wound of gender inequality. Hence, a better solution would be to apply a bandage on this wound and ensure basic education for all. Ensuring equal opportunities is indeed better than setting aside opportunities for women.

Just a human with no gender, no religion and no nationality.

Girls do not need reservation. They are smart and independent. Girls and boys both have the power and strength to compete and achieve their dreams. The problem is that society does not encourage girls to take up some fields and boys other fields. The society fixes some particular roles for both boys and girls and many young people fail to see this cage built around them because people bind their wings since a really small age.

All youth of India and abroad should break the barriers around our minds and let our wings fly. All of us are equally capable and all of us can achieve anything, does not matter if we are poor or rich, we come from liberal or conservative families. All that matters is that we should realize that we all are different individuals capable of anything.

Despite recent efforts by our country’s government to encourage women’s education with the ‘Beti Bachao, Beti Padhao’ initiative, there is still a sizeable section of the female population who do not have access to education.

The reasons for this are manifold—poverty and patriarchal suppression to name a few—and it is appalling that even today, so many women, especially in non-urban areas are being discouraged from pursuing an education. In light of this, reservation for women in educational institutions might prove to be an important opportunity for these women, who would otherwise find it difficult to gain access to schools or colleges. It would also provide a much needed incentive for them to follow an academic career, and challenge the patriarchal pressure that prohibit them to do so.

However, a reservation shouldn’t just be confined to one particular marginalized gender group. Gender does not function in a male/female binary, and there are many out there who do not conform to “traditional” understandings of gender.

An effort should be made to recognize and empower people of these gender identities as well—as they are often not given entry into prestigious institutions despite having academic merit. If there is a reservation, it should be inclusive of all marginalized groups.

Do drop in your comments / views for a healthy debate on this social question..

 

Do people really mean what they say??

The Editor of a famous weekly magazine must have had this thought in his mind, when he said “Can you lift the skirt little up, I need to take the picture… ”

Now that was like, one hell…what did he meant by that?

For any lady who hears such a comment from a Male…would be like…. “Come again…what the hell do you mean by what did you say right now??”

But then she was a charming strong lady, she rose on her high heels and said “l look good when I flaunt my body like the one you see in your dreams and wonders” … She made up her mind and was ready to pull him close to her…

He said, “What are you talking about, well we don’t have any photo shoot thing, we just wanted to mention you and your achievements in one of the corners of the magazine page..just a small write-up…”
And while telling this to her, he bent down and picked up his picture !!

The girl was aghast, what is wrong with these people, do they really mean what they say!

Yes!!
Because all he wanted was that girl to lift her long flowing skirt, before it could have mopped away his passport size black and white picture from the floor where they were standing….

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saying what you mean” is about consistency between one’s thoughts and words. It is a plea to be honest, to truthfully represent one’s understanding, state or intent when describing it verbally. “meaning what you say” is usually about consistency between one’s words and subsequent related behaviour or actions….

So Be Careful….

Respect the space of a Woman…

Respect the space of a woman….  A Woman is not a commodity displayed as available in the open market

Call me old fashioned but I believe that respecting a woman is one of the most important things to uphold in life…

Writing this post … just to make aware that there are some guys who keep on sending lewd direct messages on Social Media – facebook or instagram or twitter or even whatsapp (when they succeed in getting the phone number)

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Guys, please l request you :
Stop sending me Hi, How are you, and wave messages on my messenger apps..

You have no idea what’s going on in my life and nor do l intend to tell you;   neither l have any interest in knowing you personally, just because you text me how are you, where are you from – which State or City or Village, what do you do, where do you stay, do you have a boyfriend, are you married, what is your family doing, will you be my friends, are you free this weekend, you are so beautiful in this age too  – I can’t take my eyes off you, please accept my friendship etc.

If you are good enough, decent enough, catchy enough via your social media post and in professional terms. I will surely convey my fondness to know you more via reacting or commenting on your posts.. Please don’t consider tbis as my affirmation to your requests..

And if you irritate me, then unfriend is the best option l have, you shall be blocked and then onwards your texts shall be in spam folder.

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I have 24years of Professional experience working in various multinational companies covering various departments and in my Life’s journey I have met and dealt with lots of people – good and bad  – some give you experience and memories forever, while some teach you a lesson !! I have seen all facets of life – happy and sad, life-threatening, near-to-death experiences and have survived all, Wish to keep Smiling and Happy Always;

I may appear be meek and soft and kind and shy. I may be gullible and pliable and understanding. I may appear to be cute and pretty and dainty and classy. But when in a rough situation, I can transform into the most magnificent beast you will ever lay your eyes on.

Stop harassing me by sending me numerous messages, l am not the one who loves spending time on chatting or texting.  I get so irritated some times, that I have to skip even important messages, just because my messenger reads now infinite number of unread texts…. then I have to simply use the “Clear All” option !!  Please read my introduction page, before sending me any text, don’t message me, just because you want to….

Remember to always respect a woman. Whenever you think about disrespecting or offending, think about what you would feel if what you are about to do happens to your daughter, wife, mother or sister.

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If you like my posts, appreciate them, I will be very glad to receive your criticisms and comments, suggestions and feedback are always welcome;  you may even contribute value-addition to my posts; I intend to spread happiness through my positive and motivational thoughts; share some inspiring stories, some knowledge, some humour; interesting thoughts, just to make ourselves lighter and enjoy life to the full extent…

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We are all busy in the Circle of Life, satisfying our material and immaterial needs – personal and professional, too much stress of deadlines and commitments, we  don’t have time for each other !

Respect is earned, not given. Deserved, not inherited… I respect a man who respects a woman… Only a true man can earn the love and respect of a strong and independent woman.

Respect the space of a woman….

A Woman is not a commodity displayed as “available in the open market”